Just forgetful or Dementia?

It is a widely known fact that being forgetful is a part of pregnancy. But of late I seem to be forgetting many things which I would normally not. I am feeling more anxious as the days to my due-date get closer; in fact with just hours to go, I feel overwhelmed with fear. This preoccupied state of mind isn't good for anyone!! I wish I were not like this. All I think about is baby, labor, pain and safe delivery. I wonder if all pregnant women feel like this in the last stages or its just me.

Worst of all, when someone asks, 'why did you forget or how can you forget this', I feel so bad and immediately get defensive. Will this state pass or is it an early onset of dementia? What say? Surely I could do better?

God's must be mad with me! 2 days before due date!

I am exactly 2 days away from my due date (13th Dec) and so far I don't have much of any symptoms of approaching labor to speak of. This morning I went out to run a few errands and hence I walked. A lot. As in 2 and half hours. Other than have a terrible back pain which wouldnt go away with a Tylenol, still nothing!
I always imagined I would go into labor sooner than my due date. I keep getting calls from well-wishers asking me about this and I am almost guilty that we still dont have a baby :(

Now, dont get me wrong; I want baby to decide when she wants to come herself, but this waiting is almost killing me :( Its practically taking me 1 full minute to turn sides while sleeping. I am not complaining, but it must be hilarious to watch me move at this snail pace...LOL!

Now, why do I think God's are mad with me? I was reading a post in some forum where a guy tells another guy that if he were God, he would be pissed with other guy for not praying on time.
Now, I havent been praying on time. I wonder if its because of that I am still not in labor? Oh well, it cant be it right? When have I become so paranoid?

Anyway, below is our jasmine plant. I bought this 3 years ago and every fall (around early Oct) I take the plant and leave it indoors until summer (May). In these 3 winter's that its been with us, it never bloomed. It only blooms in summer. But this winter is an exception! I have so many buds on the plant today. This is how it looks like right now, right outside our baby's room. I wonder if its to welcome our little one :)

Pokemon...

Our Kutty baby seems to be a very active girl. Which parent wouldn't wish for a healthy, happy and an active baby? Often I go through many websites where many expectant moms are freaked out that they dont feel their baby move for long time. Their doctors advise them to count the movements every so often. Lucky for us we dont have that issue at all. Our Kutty moves like its going out of fashion! I am not kidding!

I have already been told that I should expect less kicks/movements because there is hardly any space for her move in this last stages. She doesn't kick anymore but boy she moves and pokes! Sometimes she pokes so much so that we can clearly see the shape of her feet! Sometimes she hurts me a lot by constant poking and I try to gently coax her to keep her feet to herself. Anand loves it when she pokes and he keeps asking her to poke me! Just this evening she was poking way too much and he thoroughly enjoyed it :)

We might actually call her (pet name of course) Pokemon :)

And Jill came tumbling after...

Do you remember the rhyme Jack and Jill? Isn't it one of the first rhymes we have all learned as kids?

Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water
Jack fell down and broke his crown
And Jill came tumbling after.

When Anand isn't working night-shifts, we try and sing a few rhymes for our baby. Well, we have just started doing it together. Anand's favorite rhyme is Jack and Jill and every rhyme he sings HAS to end with, "And Jill came tumbling after". Even twinkle twinkle little star has to end with, "And Jill came tumbling after". Its so funny that we both end up laughing when we are singing the last line :)

The other day he was telling Kutty baby a tamil story about a kaka (crow), vadai (spicy doughnut made with lentils) and  kullanari. Even that ended with, "And Jill came tumbling after". LOL

In the beginning our Kutty was recognizing only my voice. Now she also recognizes her Dad's voice when he asks her to kick me from inside :) Sometime she even complies.

Just this morning Anand was worried that she is in birthing position, which means she is upside down. He is saying, "my poor baby is upside down, i hope she is comfortable"; if given a choice he would sure want me to sit/lie down upside down so that baby is not upside down :) 

We both cant wait to meet her; she is so loved by her dad that I hardly doubt that she already has him wrapped around her tiny little fingers even before she is born.

Baby Shower and my last day at work

I am very lucky to have not one but two baby showers! Apart from what my parents and my SIL hosted (see here), my colleagues at work also put together a wonderful baby shower at work on 07Nov2011. I was quite surprised that they actually pulled this off so well. We had a potluck and all my colleagues brought so much yummy food. I also received lots of gifts and some money to buy more gifts for our baby.

Below are a couple of pictures. I know, they are way too dark but hey, I am glad to be a part of team who cared enough to put something together for me.

 

 One more...

I worked until 16th Nov, 2011. I am off until Dec2012. I am so much looking forward to being at home not doing anything until the due date :) Mom also came yesterday and she has taken over cooking. Now all I got to do is relax and prepare for labor :)

Hospital Tour

6th Nov, 2011 is when we went for our hospital tour. Living here means we don't have many choices of hospitals to choose since the government pays for it. Of course they must, considering we pay SOOOOO much tax every pay check.

The hospital which we chose (Milton District Hospital) is less than 15 minutes away from home and that's the main reason we chose the place. I have been there before but not to obstetrics side of it. It was small and cozy.
The only thing I noticed is that its not at all as sophisticated as I had thought it would be. I could have felt differently had I not seen the ward where my SIL delivered a baby in another hospital. But I guess we cannot expect 2 hospitals to be the same just like we cannot expect 2 babies to be the same.

One awesome thing happened there! I asked the tour guide some question and she asked us to wait outside the ward so that she can bring it and show us. It so happened that there was another lady in labor right behind the door we were waiting. I could clearly make out that she was in last stages of labor because 1. She was  moaning as if she was in great pain (which I bet she was) 2. Doc was saying, "I can see the head".

Neither Anand or I were comfortable standing there! I was really scared because that could be me in less than 6 weeks from the date!
As I was considering running away to the parking lot through back exit, we heard a tiny cry followed by babies wailing! I got tears in my eyes. Within moments I could hear the nurses and doctors shouting "congratulations". I am still getting goose bumps while narrating this. I had never really been this close to hear someone in labor AND hear the baby come!

Childbirth/ Prenatal Classes

Quite a lot has happened since the last time I wrote down here. Oct29 and Oct30, 2011, we hired a certified Doula to come home and 'prepare' us with a few things before babies arrival. Debra, Deb, like she likes to be called has come home for 6 hours. She was so amazing!

http://www.concerningchildbirth.com/about.htm

One of the main reasons we hired her was because she seems to believe what we believe in regarding childbrith. Hiring her would mean our beliefs would be fine tuned to an extent where we can implement what we want and how we want. Since I am not as articulate as her, I am copying what she has written in her website, which pretty much matches what we want.

• I believe... a natural birth benefits the mother and the baby.
• I believe... in the instinctive abilities of the mother and her baby in childbirth. Trusting in these abilities enables a woman to actively plan and participate in her birth experience.
• I believe... every woman deserves to be accompanied at her births by a caring, supportive attendant who understands the childbirth process.
• I believe... the father’s presence comforts a woman and makes her feel cared for and supported in ways only he can. As your doula I coach the father in comfort techniques and help you work together as a couple to prepare for and progress through your birth experience.
• I believe... that breastfeeding is optimal for the health of the baby and the mother. Breastfeeding is a natural experience but it often requires some learning for both the mother and the baby. As your doula, I provide prenatal preparation, help you initiate breastfeeding and offer guidance during the early breastfeeding period.

She  also took us through the below topics:

• Pregnancy and nutrition information:
• discuss your concerns
• help mother and partner prepare for birth
• Pre-labour and labour signs
• Relaxation techniques and comfort measures
• What to expect in the normal course of labor
• Medications and interventions associated with childbirth
• Postpartum needs of the newborn and mother
• Preparation for infant care
• Breastfeeding preparation

Deb also gave us loads of material and had also taken us through the serious health warning signs we should watch for. She also gave us material about how Anand can help relieve a bit of pain my various massage techniques.
Most importantly she gave us both the same questioner about what we want during labor. It was the most important part of the session because it clearly showed us where we both stand and whether or not we are on the same page. Out of 10, we both had 7 in common, which was great! But like they say, there is no wrong answer. Its just a different perspective.  

Over all, we both are really happy that we have chosen her as a child birth instructor and I for one would surely recommend any expectant parent to consider getting an instructor. Reading online and through books was one thing and going over our concerns through an instructor was something else altogether.

Another depressing day....

...I seem to be having a lot of them lately. Many say that as the term comes to a close, its is pretty common to have anxiety attacks, it is common to want to cry and it is common to even want to throw up. Apparently the 1st trimester returns in 8th and 9th month!

Last night I had yet-another nightmare that I had hurt my baby while driving. It was terrible, I woke up sweating at 3:30 AM and could not go back to sleep until it was time to wake up to work; needless to say I am dead tired now and its not even 10 AM! No one ever tells me that I will make a wonderful mom. I don't blame anyone; we Indians do not really express many things in actual "words". But when I want to be reassured, what should I do? It feels so weird wanting to be reassured. Its depressing feeling this way.

I wonder if all this will come in the way I bond with our baby when she is here. I hope not. I keep chanting the mantra, "I will be fine; I will be an OK mom, if not a great one"....but will I be?

A few fall pictures!

Last weekend, Anand and I went for a little ride around our beautiful little town we live in. Trees are changing colors and the weather was balmy and comforting. To top it all we even bought some Caramel macchiato. Ah! The bliss!

Oh BTW, have I mentioned? People are asking me if I am 40 weeks when I am only 32!!! Why cant they mind their own business? I know I have grown fat but do they have to rub it in? My family (Anand, Sis in law, FIL and parents) are the only people who commented that I look good. So kind of them...if its not for family, I would have started feeling inferior that I am showing so much.
Click on the picture for the original size (of the picture! Sorry, had to squeeze that in for the obvious reason I mentioned above)
Picture 1:

Picture 2:

Life before Google...

...must have been very difficult isn't it? For everything under the sun (above/beyond/whatever) there is an answer available in Google! What would mom's do without Google? What did my mom do without Google?! Of course she had my grand ma to put her fears to rest but I seem to rely on Google for most of my concerns.

1. Why is our kutty baby not moving on my right side as much as she does on left? Google it!
2. Need more information on Cord Blood banking? Google it!
3. I have a buzzing sensation in my lower back. Am I in labor? Google it!
4. What should the color of new born's poop be? Google it! (They even show pictures of how its supposed to look/smell like)
5. Why do I look like I am 40 weeks pregnant when I am only 32? Google it!
6. How much milk should i give her? Google it!
7. How much should she sleep? Google it!
8. I walked too fast today. Have I given a concussion to my baby?  Google it!

I tell ya! Google seem to effectively replace my instincts and put my fears to rest. Its a great comfort to know that at least 100's of women have gone through same bizarre doubts/fears and everything else rolled into one through Google. It sure is a blessing for me!

Second guessing...

These days I seem to be second guessing everything I do! I used to feel this way in the initial months and the anxiety seems to be returning. I am constantly worried about how will I fare as a parent. Whether or not I will be able to provide a safe and secure home she so much deserves.

Books say that most moms go through this phase and I have to remind myself constantly that I am only human. No matter what anyone else is saying, I am only human. I cannot do everything well; everything well everyday and everything perfect consistently. Else I will go crazy with this worry that I will not make a good mom.

The Nightmare!

The book (What to Expect When you are Expecting) told me that its fairly common for me to have nightmares. Actually this book has become my savior, my messiah from above.We don't get a lot of support from the doctors here; I mean they are OK but I don't have the luxury to call my doctor when ever I have a doubt. In situations like this, I heavily rely on this one book. 

What the book didn't tell me was that Anand (or every partner) goes through his own share of nightmares trying to work around the fact that soon he would be called, "dad". Yesterday I woke up at 5:00 AM, just like any other day and was having breakfast. Out of the blue Anand said, "make sure you set the security alarm on when you are alone; don't forget".

There really should be a book which focuses on what a partner goes through too. We seem to be so completely focused on women during pregnancy (rightly so) that we almost forget that it takes Two to Tango. We (society) expect them to be a rock/strength and what not when they are also going through the life changing event to parenthood. They have their own share of worries and nightmares too and I wonder why no one feels comfortable talking about it (I am referring to books here).

Lately partners are also involved to an extent, like going along for doctors visits, prenatal classes etc but unfortunately they are still focused so largely on women. emm....something has to be done.

Resting...

The day before yesterday I made sambar and some subzi. I had the same for yesterdays lunch which didnt really agree with me. I started throwing up. Many times. Looking at myself throw up, I threw up more! lol.
So, told my colleagues that I am unwell and I rushed to my doctors office; I didnt want to be completely dehydrated.

When I reached my doctors office, it was FULL! :Sigh: When i initially called her, she asked me if I am throwing out any red, I said no. She then said that since I am throwing up so often, the next thing coming out would be that. I kinda freaked out. The last thing you want to hear is that. So, to be on the safer side I wanted to head to the emergency straight but my doctor said I should still see her first. I trusted her and went to see her in Milton from Toronto. The cab ride took forever and then the wait took forever.

When I did get to see her, I had already been feeling light headed for more than 3 hours and been throwing up constantly for more than 2 hours. She checked the baby's heart beat first and declared that its perfect. Thank God! The next step was to check my blood pressure and she said its a little low. My pulse apparently was a bit off too but that's because i had been sick hours now. Or that's what I was told.
She asked me to take small sips of water, take small bites of food in regular intervals. So, that's what I did. She diagnosed it as a stomach flu. I had been severely dehydrated by then and the light headed feeling continued. I went home from there and got some rest. My doctor also gave me a doctors note saying that I needed to rest for the next couple of days.

Hindsight, everything happened so quickly and before I know it was 5:30 PM and I am home. Before having lunch at 11:30, I started feeling a bit sick and thought it could be because I went to lunch room to warm up my food. I have always felt sick in the lunch room at work, since the beginning of pregnancy. So I didnt think about  it much. I forced myself to have half of my lunch and headed out to get some air and walk a bit. By then I was feeling a little light-headed. I called my sister and we talked for about 30 mins. After that, I couldn't talk to her much as I felt the intense urge for the first time to throw up. Its when it has started. And it didnt stop much after that.
On my way to the clinic Anand commented that lunch smelled a bit funny. I should have trusted my instincts and should not have forced myself to have lunch. Anyway, since I always feel sick in lunch room, I didnt think much about it.

As of now, I am home resting a bit. Feeling OK I think. Still feel a little light headed but I am trying to drink water and eat small bites, regularly.

Baby baby...Yes Momma?

I was reading 'what to expect when you are expecting' and came to know that by now baby's hearing is very well developed and that she would start responding to my voice if I start taking to her. I have also read online about it.

So, I thought I would give it a try; which I did a week ago. To my utter delight and surprise our kutty baby also responded! I just spoke to her a few cooing words keeping my hands on tummy and she moved and kicked! I thought it could just be a coincidence. So, I tried everyday after that and she responds with kicks and sometimes with movements. I feel this is nothing short of a miracle.

Usually I talk to her after dinner when I am lying down, when everything is quite and I am relaxed. Last night was funny. She started moving a lot even before I went upstairs to bed. So, after I finished my chores, I took one of the rhymes books and started singing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star...Since she was already moving, I thought she would continue moving. But as soon as I started singing, she stopped moving. After I finished singing that rhyme 2-3 times, I stopped to drink water and then she began moving again.
So, I started singing again and she stopped moving and resumed only when I stopped singing!! So, we can conclude one of the two things now:

1. She is keenly listening to the song I am singing and hence stopped moving.
2. She is asking me to shut up.

Which one do you think is true?

The first kicks!

I have been feeling the baby movements since the time I crossed 16 weeks and a few kicks more recently, like after 20 weeks. They were irregular and I can hardly pin point a single day.

But for the first time ever Anand felt the kicks when he touched my tummy on the evening of 2nd September, 2011 while watching TV. He was so happy and he felt the kicks thrice. He says its an interesting feeling :) Since they are still not very regular, he couldn't feel them again but I am sure that's going to change as the days progress.
Just wanted to log this date down :)

In Progress...

A started painting our babies nursery today! I am sooo exited! I just turned 24 weeks and its getting to feel real now. With tiny movements and occasional kicks, it finally feels like I am going to be mom. Once its ready, I will post a few pictures :)

My godh bharayi (seemantham/Indian baby shower) is coming up on 31st Aug and we have invited very close friends and of course family. My Father in law is also going to be here for our babies first ever formal celebration!

Before I forget..

As I said before, I had my 20th week ultra sound on 27th of July. I wanted to write this post so that I don't forget all about it in a few days. The ultra sound itself lasted for close to 45 minutes. Since I was lying down on my back, my tailbone started bothering me badly. So I crossed my legs and tried to lie down still.
Our girl started immediately imitating what the mom was doing! When my technician told me about that, I literally busted our laughing.

The way she told that we were having a girl was quite funny too. Anand, mom and dad were there at that time with me and she said, "see, there is nothing between her legs, so more than likely its a girl!"

Now, I only hope she takes after her dad when in comes to intelligence; no kidding.

The Shopping Mania

I am yet to see a woman who is not interested in shopping. Our baby girl is no exception. Before we found out about the gender, my colleague and I were browsing through the Babies r us book. I have noticed that she was fluttering a lot in my tummy. I didnt bother much about that though.

Couple of days ago I was talking to another friend of mine about shopping and she was fluttering wildly again. I thought it was a mere coincidence.

Day before yesterday I was taking to mom about shopping and lo! she started fluttering again! Our girl sure is turning out to be a typical shopping-loving-girl :) She is super active whenever I talk about shopping :)

I am feeling well...

In the initial weeks, all that I was thinking was, "is it bed-time yet?" Now, things are improving and I can manage to stay awake until the train leaves the station (to and from work). Before, as soon as I sit in the train I used to fall asleep.
My appetite has also gone up sooo much. I am always hungry lately. So, I am packing healthy snacks like carrots, fruits etc. So far I have been successful in keeping the cakes at bay.

I also finished my 18 weeks as of yesterday! Time sure flies by. I am able to distinctly narrow down the baby movements from indigestion. Though I look more like 6 months pregnant instead of 4 and a half, I dont really feel 6 months. I also feel the 'weight' of the fetus now. Needless to say, my tail bone hurts ALL the time. Anand is telling me that he would recount this tail-bone-pain to our kid as pain-in-a** when it grows up :)

Anyway, here are a few updates about how our fetus should be developing:
Baby is approximately 6 inches/ 14.2 centimeters long from crown to rump and she weighs about 7 ounces/ 190 grams. Chest moves up and down to mimic breathing but it's not taking in air, only amniotic fluid.

I have my third ultra sound coming up on 27July. I am so exited as we can then find out the gender of our baby. I would also like to add that we have started gathering a few things for our baby. I bought a few cloths, bib's, booties, mittens, toys etc. Of course bought only few because I am 100% sure that both sets of grand parents want to buy these things anyway, as the date approaches. My SIL kindly dropped off the crib, bouncer/swing and a few more things.

So yes, things are moving along.

One Fish Two Fish - Red Fish Blue Fish

Today I turn 16 weeks and 2 days. I know its waaaayyy too early to introduce rhymes to the little one. Bah! he/she has not even born yet! But many people I know told me that a happy mom = a happy baby. One of the things which make me happy (these days) is listening to rhymes; and so I started listening to them. One of my favorites is by Dr. Seuss, One Fish Two Fish. Here goes the rhyme.

One Fish Two Fish, Red Fish Blue Fish
Three Fish Four Fish, Old Fish New Fish
Five Fish Six Fish, Here comes more fish...

what next?

Another close favorite is:

One two three four five
Once I caught a fish alive
Six seven eight nine ten
But I let it go again
Why did you let it go?
Because it bit my finger so.
Which one did it bite?
The little one upon the Right.

I went to my regular prenatal appointment last night. It went good. I have increased 1 KG in one month, my doctor was happy. We also heard the heart beat again. Awesome...