...I seem to be having a lot of them lately. Many say that as the term comes to a close, its is pretty common to have anxiety attacks, it is common to want to cry and it is common to even want to throw up. Apparently the 1st trimester returns in 8th and 9th month!
Last night I had yet-another nightmare that I had hurt my baby while driving. It was terrible, I woke up sweating at 3:30 AM and could not go back to sleep until it was time to wake up to work; needless to say I am dead tired now and its not even 10 AM! No one ever tells me that I will make a wonderful mom. I don't blame anyone; we Indians do not really express many things in actual "words". But when I want to be reassured, what should I do? It feels so weird wanting to be reassured. Its depressing feeling this way.
I wonder if all this will come in the way I bond with our baby when she is here. I hope not. I keep chanting the mantra, "I will be fine; I will be an OK mom, if not a great one"....but will I be?
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
A few fall pictures!
Last weekend, Anand and I went for a little ride around our beautiful little town we live in. Trees are changing colors and the weather was balmy and comforting. To top it all we even bought some Caramel macchiato. Ah! The bliss!
Oh BTW, have I mentioned? People are asking me if I am 40 weeks when I am only 32!!! Why cant they mind their own business? I know I have grown fat but do they have to rub it in? My family (Anand, Sis in law, FIL and parents) are the only people who commented that I look good. So kind of them...if its not for family, I would have started feeling inferior that I am showing so much.
Click on the picture for the original size (of the picture! Sorry, had to squeeze that in for the obvious reason I mentioned above)
Picture 1:
Picture 2:
Oh BTW, have I mentioned? People are asking me if I am 40 weeks when I am only 32!!! Why cant they mind their own business? I know I have grown fat but do they have to rub it in? My family (Anand, Sis in law, FIL and parents) are the only people who commented that I look good. So kind of them...if its not for family, I would have started feeling inferior that I am showing so much.
Click on the picture for the original size (of the picture! Sorry, had to squeeze that in for the obvious reason I mentioned above)
Picture 1:
Life before Google...
...must have been very difficult isn't it? For everything under the sun (above/beyond/whatever) there is an answer available in Google! What would mom's do without Google? What did my mom do without Google?! Of course she had my grand ma to put her fears to rest but I seem to rely on Google for most of my concerns.
1. Why is our kutty baby not moving on my right side as much as she does on left? Google it!
2. Need more information on Cord Blood banking? Google it!
3. I have a buzzing sensation in my lower back. Am I in labor? Google it!
4. What should the color of new born's poop be? Google it! (They even show pictures of how its supposed to look/smell like)
5. Why do I look like I am 40 weeks pregnant when I am only 32? Google it!
6. How much milk should i give her? Google it!
7. How much should she sleep? Google it!
8. I walked too fast today. Have I given a concussion to my baby? Google it!
I tell ya! Google seem to effectively replace my instincts and put my fears to rest. Its a great comfort to know that at least 100's of women have gone through same bizarre doubts/fears and everything else rolled into one through Google. It sure is a blessing for me!
1. Why is our kutty baby not moving on my right side as much as she does on left? Google it!
2. Need more information on Cord Blood banking? Google it!
3. I have a buzzing sensation in my lower back. Am I in labor? Google it!
4. What should the color of new born's poop be? Google it! (They even show pictures of how its supposed to look/smell like)
5. Why do I look like I am 40 weeks pregnant when I am only 32? Google it!
6. How much milk should i give her? Google it!
7. How much should she sleep? Google it!
8. I walked too fast today. Have I given a concussion to my baby? Google it!
I tell ya! Google seem to effectively replace my instincts and put my fears to rest. Its a great comfort to know that at least 100's of women have gone through same bizarre doubts/fears and everything else rolled into one through Google. It sure is a blessing for me!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Second guessing...
These days I seem to be second guessing everything I do! I used to feel this way in the initial months and the anxiety seems to be returning. I am constantly worried about how will I fare as a parent. Whether or not I will be able to provide a safe and secure home she so much deserves.
Books say that most moms go through this phase and I have to remind myself constantly that I am only human. No matter what anyone else is saying, I am only human. I cannot do everything well; everything well everyday and everything perfect consistently. Else I will go crazy with this worry that I will not make a good mom.
Books say that most moms go through this phase and I have to remind myself constantly that I am only human. No matter what anyone else is saying, I am only human. I cannot do everything well; everything well everyday and everything perfect consistently. Else I will go crazy with this worry that I will not make a good mom.
Monday, October 3, 2011
God Bless the Girl Friends!!
Yes, whatever we would do with out them? I have this colleague of mine who has delivered a baby last year. Since the time she is back at work she keeps giving me the valuable tips which otherwise I wouldn't know.
The other day she told me about the registry at Babies R Us. Apparently if we go there in person and open a registry we get a bunch of free stuff along with lessons regarding childcare/breastfeeding/$10 gift card etc. I went there and opened a registry specifically for this. And lo! I received: (picture will be attached later)
Feeding bottle
Penaten
huh? I forgot already but there were quite a few of them :)
The other day she told me about the registry at Babies R Us. Apparently if we go there in person and open a registry we get a bunch of free stuff along with lessons regarding childcare/breastfeeding/$10 gift card etc. I went there and opened a registry specifically for this. And lo! I received: (picture will be attached later)
Feeding bottle
Penaten
huh? I forgot already but there were quite a few of them :)
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
The Nightmare!
The book (What to Expect When you are Expecting) told me that its fairly common for me to have nightmares. Actually this book has become my savior, my messiah from above.We don't get a lot of support from the doctors here; I mean they are OK but I don't have the luxury to call my doctor when ever I have a doubt. In situations like this, I heavily rely on this one book.
What the book didn't tell me was that Anand (or every partner) goes through his own share of nightmares trying to work around the fact that soon he would be called, "dad". Yesterday I woke up at 5:00 AM, just like any other day and was having breakfast. Out of the blue Anand said, "make sure you set the security alarm on when you are alone; don't forget".
There really should be a book which focuses on what a partner goes through too. We seem to be so completely focused on women during pregnancy (rightly so) that we almost forget that it takes Two to Tango. We (society) expect them to be a rock/strength and what not when they are also going through the life changing event to parenthood. They have their own share of worries and nightmares too and I wonder why no one feels comfortable talking about it (I am referring to books here).
Lately partners are also involved to an extent, like going along for doctors visits, prenatal classes etc but unfortunately they are still focused so largely on women. emm....something has to be done.
What the book didn't tell me was that Anand (or every partner) goes through his own share of nightmares trying to work around the fact that soon he would be called, "dad". Yesterday I woke up at 5:00 AM, just like any other day and was having breakfast. Out of the blue Anand said, "make sure you set the security alarm on when you are alone; don't forget".
There really should be a book which focuses on what a partner goes through too. We seem to be so completely focused on women during pregnancy (rightly so) that we almost forget that it takes Two to Tango. We (society) expect them to be a rock/strength and what not when they are also going through the life changing event to parenthood. They have their own share of worries and nightmares too and I wonder why no one feels comfortable talking about it (I am referring to books here).
Lately partners are also involved to an extent, like going along for doctors visits, prenatal classes etc but unfortunately they are still focused so largely on women. emm....something has to be done.
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
First visit to OBGYN
I had my first visit to my OBGYN on 22nd Sept, 2011; until then I was seeing my family doctor itself. I have this thread sitting in my drafts for a while now since I dont really have much to add. Surprising eh? It really wasnt much. In fact i thought I would somehow develop a 'bond' with the OB since more than likely she would be delivering our baby. My meeting with her was so short that I am having trouble recollecting how she looked like.
The nurse I met there was a sweetheart though. Apparently she was practicing for over 40 years now and she really was smiling ALL the time. I wish she were also there along with me during labor. She also told me that I am just putting on the prescribed amount of weight, which is good. Phew! what a relief.
And yes, yesterday I gave my blood work for gestational diabetes. They actually took 4 vials of blood! What ever they need so much for? I was feeling very week all day yesterday because of that.
The nurse I met there was a sweetheart though. Apparently she was practicing for over 40 years now and she really was smiling ALL the time. I wish she were also there along with me during labor. She also told me that I am just putting on the prescribed amount of weight, which is good. Phew! what a relief.
And yes, yesterday I gave my blood work for gestational diabetes. They actually took 4 vials of blood! What ever they need so much for? I was feeling very week all day yesterday because of that.
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