Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Guilty mom

Sometimes I feel that being a mom is so hard. For example, I hate leaving her at the daycare early in the morning and I feel guilty about it all day. Last year when she first started daycare at 13-14 months, I thought this feeling will go away, I thought I will feel less guilty and that it will get better. But none of that happened. With certainty I can say, I still feel as guilty about leaving her at the daycare as I was on day one. What happened was that I got used to having guilty-feelings, so it doesn't hurt as much (is that what is called healing?). I guess this happens with every mom, irrespective of where they work (I love working...but still).
I hate waking her up; a child should be left alone until he/she wakes up all by herself (unless of course she is starting school). So, when Anand is home, I absolutely love it...she gets to sleep in.
Written yesterday/posted today.
Same thing last week; Anand and I were dropping her off at the daycare at 6:15 AM. Usually one or the other drop her off but that day was an exception. She thought we were all going together. Maybe I should have just let her be until we reached the daycare. I just blurted out that we are still going to daycare (so that she doesnt get disappointed and start crying when she sees it all of a sudden). her face immediately fell :(
The big mouth that i have?! While I know my intentions were right, it ended up being sad for me the whole day! I literally thought about it ALL day and started feeling better only after I hugged her in the evening.

This evening:
My megha has curly hair. I mean REALLY curly hair and I need to brush it every day so that there are no knots. She hates it when I brush her hair, even though I do it gently. This evening when I was brushing her hair, she didnt want me to. I didnt brush last night too as she had cold. So I 'had' to do it today. So, I persisted. Maybe it hurt? She started wailing :( :( Oh baby...I wish you never have to cry!

Enough of sad is my wild and dandelion amidst the real dandelions :); taken 2 days ago at the park overlooking our home.
Isnt she adorable?

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